On a Positive Note

5 Jan

Let me go back to December 31, 2013. 

I worked my “new” normal shift, 1:00p.m. to 9:30p.m. I took a benedryl to ensure I slept well. Gave my husband a quick “Happy New Year” kiss, and went to bed. I had my first race of the New Year in the morning. Plus it was my 55th birthday, how much better could it get??? A 5k to mark my birthday AND ring in the New Year!

The race was a big deal for a couple of reasons, as I mentioned, it’s the first race of the year, and I haven’t really raced in a few months. AND I had NOT been doing my speed work for the past 3 or 4 months. I thought this would be a good time to find out just what I had in the legs. Oh, and I’d been doing lower body weight training the day before….Well, here goes nothin!

I’ll skip the race “start” and just jump to the last mile. I was tired, I’d had a banana about 3 hours before the race, and, did I mention I was tired? I had to force myself to put one foot in front of the other. Then I saw her, the woman that had passed me a half a mile back. NO WAY I was going to walk. I passed her, uh oh, there’s a little hill coming up. “Just walk the hill.” The little voice in my head would say. I knew if I started walking at this point that I wouldn’t run much more. I kept whispering to that little negative voice “Just keep running. You KNOW you’ll be proud of yourself at the end if you just keep running. If you stop, you’ll never forgive yourself and you’ll feel the negative vibe all year.” I made it up the hill, around the corner, up the next hill and WHOA!  Abrupt stop! There was a LINE  at the FINISH LINE! Yes, a standing line to finish a race! That was a very positive start to the New Year.

I returned to work on Thursday, left early due to lack of interest on the part of the patients, and just an incredible negative feeling about the place where I work.

That remained the next day when I took a personal day and just hung out with my husband, had to take the dog to the vet for her teeth cleaning. I had to go pick up some paperwork from the hospital I had transferred from in November. Truth be told, I’m not thrilled with my new “digs”. I talked to my prior supervisor about a position that was being posted as a “float” tech. He said he had had several applicants. I said “WHAT? I thought you were going to bring ME back.” Why did I feel duped? I mean, this guy has lied to me and finagled his way out of situations for the last 10 years. Why would I think he would have EVER been honest with me? I was so ANGRY with myself. I didn’t sleep last night, my mind too busy thinking about the conversations I would never have with this person. All the things I wanted to say, but never would. All of the negative venom I wanted to spew back at him. The times I had BEGGED him to switch taking Fridays off with me so I too, could have a 3 day weekend. Him digging in his heels and denying my time off in that circumstance. Now finding that he and the other daylight tech are swapping every other Friday. Yeah, I was pretty pissed.

But then something odd happened. Something that doesn’t usually happen in my little narcissistic mind. I decided that since it was my own decision to put my sorry ass in this new, and quite uncomfortable situation, that I needed to turn it around and make it a positive situation before it literally ruined me.

I concluded that I needed to become the best vascular technologist that worked there. It won’t be easy, mainly because I HATE vascular. It’s monotonous, nasty, and a pain in the shoulder. But, that’s what I need to do if I am to survive this little situation I’ve put myself in. I really DO love what I do, I just don’t necessarily like the surroundings I do it in. But, the only way out is to become excellent. 

And you know, maybe, along the way I’ll become excellent in other parts of my life as well. 

Someone posted a quote by Joel Olsteen (I’m not a follower), it said something to the effect of “If you can’t  say something positive, keep your mouth shut.” Well, I haven’t been talking much since I read that post. It reminded me of when my brother told me “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I didn’t talk for a long time after that one either. 

Well, let a smile be your umbrella. And I hope you don’t drown. Personally, I’ll let an umbrella be my umbrella.





2 Responses to “On a Positive Note”

  1. Todd Benefiel January 5, 2014 at 2:48 pm #

    Hmmm…sounds like we work at the same place. Does the fact that I ‘Liked’ this post mean that I might get fired? Wait…too late! Already gone!

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